Labor Day ~ February 2nd, 2014

Journal notes from Owen's labor

1:23pm; Feb 2nd
My bp is high they say. Don't stress and try to relax they said. The medication I didn't want drips into me through the iv I didn't think I would need and know I didn't want. They're doing their best to compromise with me. Ladadol (sp?) instead of magnesium sulfate, "yet" they say. No side effects they said as I start to feel groggy and a little shaky.

Jamie and Angie left to get food. I convinced them - yet another interruption to my rest and sanity from the charge nurse, very Mrs. Ratchet-esque. What was I saying? I'm alone for a moment. Something I never craved as much as I do now as a mom. Even with contractions right now, I'm enjoying the serenity of being able to hear my thoughts, your heartbeat on the monitor, and look at photos of our family. There's a wonderful view out the window. The same window in the same room I birthed Nora in. May this birth be faster and without the back labor pain. Thankfully you're not stuck like Nora was along my spine and tailbone. Poor thing came out with bruised eyelids, screaming, and pooping everywhere as a mile length of cord shot out of me.

Please let me not have preeclampsia as they fear. The medication is dropping my bp and not yours. The best outcome is for you to arrive quickly. Let that be the case.

Let you arrive as naturally as possible, let me be healthy enough to care for you, and lets hope Jamie can find me a good corned beef sandwich while he's out like I asked. We're so excited to meet you. 

1:44pm; Feb 2nd

Your heartbeat has dropped. You keep moving away from the monitor. Nurse Ratchet, Megan, pissed you off trying to rearrange me in the bed during a contraction. She needs to brush her teeth. Then her cohort and her huddled a few feet from me to gossip about coworkers while I labored. They're constantly in the way and rude.

(They turned on the pitocin without telling me I found out later. Everything became too slow and fast all at once. The pain slowed everything to stop motion pace. My mind and tongue struggled to complete simple exchanges and pay attention to every detail to be able to make decisions. It felt like I was trying to take photos of singular objects from a speeding train. My eyesight became blurred, my hands and feet numb, my bp was skyrocketing and yours dropping. Every contraction was stopping your heart and making mine burst. I was at 8 cm with back labor when they discovered that you were hung up on your cord and it was squeezing you with every contraction and you were scrambling to make progress in between.

Van Houten left us to have some private time together before the surgery. Nurse Megan wouldn't leave and insisted on trying to take blood samples while I was having a contraction, crying, and dilated 8cm. I told her to get out and called her a condescending bitch for speaking to us as if we she was addressing children.)

Feb 3rd

Why would anyone ever elect to have a C section? I thought Nora's natural birth of 23 hours with posterior presentation and back labor was hard. This was terrifying and demoralizing. Length and repeat of Nora's birth with the addition of preeclampsia, a triple nuchal for Owen (cord wrapped three times around him) and knots in the cord. (Triple Nuchal - Sochi Olympics watch out!)

Evil nurse Megan stood blocking my view so I missed seeing your first moments when your dad cut your cord and held you. I had to ask the anesthesiologist to yell at her. By then you were being brought over to be held against my cheek. It was hard to feel the contact with you. My skin felt numb from the cold and my teeth were chattering from my body adjusting to the blood loss. I was itching from the magnesium sulfate to prevent seizure.

4:08am; Feb 4th

Its dark and quiet in the hospital room save for the cacophony of man-made interference of monitor beeps, blowing air vents, timed hydraulic squeezing of my legs, and Owen's owl-hoot-coo in his sleep. Everything is uncomfortable. I woke at one point to the bassinet empty and panicked. Jamie reassured me that Owen was alright, that he was asleep next to him in the pull-out bed. One of the kind nurses, Kate, was worried about them sleeping that way but relented when I said that it was ok with me. I read her expression and had a feeling that I might have already garnered a reputation after my interactions with some of the nurses over the past two days. I didn't mind. I was just hoping to eat at some point and be able to drink more than 16oz of water for the day. The magnesium sulfate was still dripping. No food, imprisoned to the bed, and no liquids.

Nurse Kate gave me a hug when she discovered me crying in the night at one point. We talked for awhile and joked. She asked if there was anything she could do to make me more comfortable. I asked if she could help me jump out of my skin.