The old me is in there somewhere

Whenever I happen to see the clock says 4:20 I make the buttrock bull horns hand sign and laugh like Sean Penn from Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and say "righteous", just to make myself laugh.

I still check my rearview mirror for cops and I can't remember the last time I needed to worry about this. The only thing I see now are carseats.

There are three different sizes, one pair of each, of my favorite Calvin Klein jeans stashed under the bed. Currently, none of them fit me. And none of them are in style. I'm hoping that will change with time. If not, I love my new yoga pants wardrobe so it's ok... I just realized what I said. The old me would have tapped her cigarette ash, ordered a Manhattan, and stopped reading this.

I use to check my email every couple hours to check for notes from friends, concert notices, airline deals, and social invitations. Now I check for kid event notices, baby product deals, and newsletters about parenting, psychology, pathology, and toy recalls. Emails from friends are pounced on like the last bag of Funyons at a Gorge concert.

Travel shows are no longer an inspiration but a whimsical vicarious escape. I don't look anything like my passport picture any longer. I DO look like my driver's license photo, unfortunately.

If I wake up with someone breathing and giggling in my ear I don't panic about what I look like, if they saw me drewling, if they heard me snore or fart. I know they did. Because it's most likely our kids. Nora's hair that smells like sunshine and her breath that smells like canned seafood. Owen who smells like malt, amber oil, and toe jam. A musky sweet boy stench with milk burps and farts that smell like popcorn.

I no longer have date underwear. I have the same underwear for everything. It's more of a question as to whether or not I'll wear any underwear when I leave the house.

The last warm meal I ate that wasn't reheated in a microwave was brought to me by my friend, Nicole, as a surprise. It was from Burgerville. That was the best lunch I've had in a long time.